these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize