please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My life is pants optional.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
