i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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