I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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