Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
