Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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