You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
