How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
