This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
