"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are a genius and a whore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
