if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So vagazzling was a success
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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