At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
