I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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