Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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