I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
