Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
