His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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