I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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