Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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