dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
