if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
