You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
