FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
