OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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