last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize