she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
