Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
