Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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