I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
