sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
