Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
