Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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