Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
