I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
