I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
