Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
