Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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