I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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