Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize