oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
