He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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