Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't notice because vodka
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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