Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
