i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
