I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
