Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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