dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
