i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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