She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
