Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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