my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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