no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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