You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
