I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
