I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
