im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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