I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
