Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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