My room smells like vodka and shame
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize