Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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