I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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