You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
