Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
