I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
