I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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