my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
