We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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