i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
