You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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