Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
