I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
