Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
