What a fucking waste of an outfit
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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