This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
