That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is it fun? or sober?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
