At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
