I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
