If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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