mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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