I just saw a hot homeless man
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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