I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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