shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
