he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
