my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
