when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
