Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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