1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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