Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
