apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
