My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
