oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
