I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
