dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
