remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
