he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
