I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
