closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
