I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
