Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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