He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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