chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
