hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
