Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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