is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
