i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
