I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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