I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
